God's Geek

The Gas Man

2011-01-22T00:46:00.002Z

SO, I was thinking about killing this blog, as we now mostly blog as a family here. But, although I am keeping a journal, I thought that it would be beneficial to me to think through some of the new things that I am experiencing. Let's take a step back... 2 weeks ago, me and my family moved to Peru. We are working with a church plant in Cusco, involved with youth and children's work. I have never done overseas mission before, yet here I am, a long way away from home with my hubby and 2 small children. Y hablo un poquito Espanol. Even thus far, I feel challenged and closer to God, but I want to use this space to be real about the highs and the lows of this adventure that God has called us to. Check out the other blog for photos, this is full of my ramblings without pictures!

In Peru, there aren't gas mains and instead there are gas bottles. When they are empty, someone delivers new ones. The other day, Neil popped out with the mission worker who has been settling us in and I was left at home with the kids, waiting for the delivery - all I had to do was let him in and pay him - simple enough. The bell went and I realised (so I thought) that Neil had the key for the gate - which I thought was locked. I know very little Spanish and could think of even less, as I ran out shouting 'espere uno minuto, por favor, perdon, perdon.' I scrambled around for a spare key, which I couldn't find, and I tried to call Margaret but the battery was dead on the phone. Daniel, bless him, was shouting at the gate, 'wait a minute, Mummy is coming!' And all the time, I was getting more frustrated and cross, with Neil for taking the key, and with myself for not charging the phone. Most of all, I felt so frustrated that I couldn't do anything - I couldn't communicate on the most basic level and complete a very simple household task. How can I be any use here? Whay has God called me here when I feel so useless? I then realised that the gate wasn't even locked and I felt even more stupid. He came back a few minutes later and everything was sorted, but it was just so hard.

I was disappointed that I had got so panicky and cross. But, this whole experience is the best lesson in humility that I have ever had. It is helping me to rely on others and accept their help, with out (much)pride. In training, we were told that at first we would feel like babies, and it is so true. There is a beauty to this; I feel like I am seeing the world in such a fresh way, a simple trip to the shops is full of adventure and new sights and sounds. I saw a humming bird the other day land on the garden fence, and I could have cried as it was so beautiful and so far from my normal experience. But it is hard to be so dependent on others, on fellow mission workers, shop workers and most other people that I encounter! It is also wonderful to be blessed as they shower us with time, patience and understanding.

I hope it is helping me to empathise more with others. I hope that God is showing me how to love poeple on the outside, where there are cultural and language barriers. Don't worry, I know that my ethnicity, class and nationality mean that I will never encounter the barriers that many people face. It just feels right now that part of this whole process is an extreme way of God showing me a glimpse of waht it is like for many people in this world. Maybe it had to be extreme for God to really show me.

Jesus comes as the servant king, choosing to be stripped of power. In some small way, I feel that coming here has stripped me of power. I am blown away once again that the Son of God came to Earth as a baby, weak, defenceless and utterly dependent on others. Washing his disiples feet was only a part of it. I just pray that as God forms my character through this, that I allow him to use it to bless others - to point them to the servant king.

As I write this, it sounds all sewn up and like a good conclusion. But I am a work in progress. I know that I will lose my cool again, will get frustrated again, but I hope I come out more humble at the other end...

The Magical Mystery Tour

2010-07-04T20:24:00.004+01:00

I have just come back from a great day out in London. I am trying to do some special stuff with the young people before I leave, and today I took a group out in London for a mystery tour and it was just lovely. We travelled up and down the Picadilly Line and first went to Coram's Fields. Here I am meeting an escapee goat. We then went to Covent Garden, and took stroll to Trafalgar Square, despite there being no water in the fountains and the lions being fenced off. We then went to Ed's Easy Diner for milkshakes near the Trocadero. After a lot of fun on the dodgems, we took the tube to Holborn to My Old Dutch. It is a gorgeous pancake house and I had a huge apple, bacon and maple syrup pancake. It was a great day full of memories and one of those times when I rememer why I do what I do.

Mary Magdalene - the wrong woman

2010-04-01T22:11:00.001+01:00

I have just had an article posted on the Sophia Network about Mary Magdalene, a subject close to my heart. If you are interested, click here!

The Ropers in Peru

2010-03-19T10:54:00.004Z

I have just set up a new blog the Ropers in Peru detailing our big Peru adventure!

Moving on...

2010-03-08T20:36:00.003Z

The blog has been quiet for a while, and that is probably for similar reasons as Lewis. We too, are moving on and it has been quite difficult to write about things while it was uncertain. We found out a couple of weeks ago that we have been accepted by BMS to be mid-term missionaries in Peru! The plan is for us to move to Birmingham in September and fly to Cusco, Peru in January 2011. We should hopefully be joining the Williamsons and are so excited about how God will equip and use us. This whole thing is so far out of my comfort zone and I can't wait for the adventure of relying on God for our provision, safety and Spanish skills!

The goodbyes will be very hard; this is the place where both of my children have been born and the only home that they have known so far. We have lots of family and friends here, and it will be painful to go. But we have felt some gentle tugs for a while that he was moving us on, and despite the fact that I had felt since I was about 16 that God wouldn't 'call me abroad' God in his infinite wisdom and with his own particular sense of humour, decided he knew things a bit better than I did. In a recent Passion[fruit} service, we considered how Mary would have felt after she discovered that she was pregnant. We thought that she would feel a mixture of excited, scared and a bit freaked out. I said that this was often how I felt when God was on the move. I then realised that is how I feel about the whole prospect of moving to Peru. God is good and I look forward to seeing how this next part of the adventure turns out.

The Roper Review of the Year

2009-12-22T20:04:00.009Z

Well, it is that time of year again. Once again, we are saving paper and posting an update online and wishing you a very merry Christmas at the same time. So, for those that are interested, here are some of the highlights of our year and I will try not to make it one of those smug 'my family are perfect and I am writing this to make you feel like the parents from Outnumbered' ones...

A big hello to Sophia Amy

The most exciting part of our year was definitely meeting our lovely daughter Sophia. She made us wait, though, as she was 8 days overdue. And I tested out the theory of relativity, as I swear they were the longest 8 days of my life! She was well worth the wait though, as she is an absolute delight. Sophia has a lively and determined nature. She is crawling and very keen to walk, launching herelf off furniture and people whenever she has the opportunity. Sophia and Amy mean wisdom and beloved, so we are praying that she will grow to be a much loved and wise woman. We trust that she will know the love and wisdom of God: 'Don't be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and depart from evil. It wil be health to your flesh and strength to your bones.' Proverbs 3:7,8

Here is an early picture of brother and sister sharing a tender moment, and below is a photo from a couple of months back. Okay, I said I wouldn't boast, but she is very cute...

Our Drummer Daniel

Daniel has had quite a year. He is 3, going on 13, what with his love of drums and loud music - I didn't think we would be having the music volume argument for a few years yet. He started play group and swimming lessons in September, as well as being a page boy for his Auntie and Uncle's wedding. Although he remains laid back and chilled, he also has a determined streak and knows his own mind. I love our games of make believe and pretend, and am looking forward to Christmas as he is so excited! Here he is in the nativity at play group.

Me and Neil

Aside from having children, Neil found the time to finish a Degree in Children's and Youth Ministry and come top of the class. Alright, that is out and out boasting,but I am his wife and entitled to, right? Seriously, I am very proud of him. Somewhat ironically, just as he found out he had passed the degree, he also found out that Enfield Baptist Church were not extending his contract as Children and Families Worker. In God's perfect timing, Neil was offered work for a few hours a week looking after a little boy, which works really well around my job. It means that I can continue to work part-time at Enfield Baptist as Youth Worker, which I love. I came back to work after 7 months maternity leave, and still see it as a privilege to work alongside young people. Although Daniel thinks my work consists of eating biscuits and drinking coffee. As if. I also turned 30 this year and had a great time at my party.

There have also been lovely holidays, weddings and celebrations, which have been great. However, there are lots of normal, 'average' days, and these are often just as special with 2 young children that are changing all of the time. In all of it, as a family we try to walk humbly, act justly and love mercy, knowing that God loves us! Hope that all wasn't too smug.

Merry Christmas and a happy new year xx

Waiting

2009-12-15T22:53:00.003Z

I am only just reading Complex Christ by Kester Brewin and love it so far. In the opening chapter, it talks about the importance of waiting and how it may be frustrating, but that is how God works. He says it much more petically than this, but in this time of advent, it is a timely reminder that to wait is not a waste of time and it is often a time of learning.

Thoroughly modern mothers

2009-12-15T22:51:00.000Z

Some thoughtful and thought provoking takes on the nativity scene here

Pink Stinks

2009-11-03T20:42:00.001Z

In honour of this wonderful website, the pink has gone from my blog template. Eugh.

The future beckons

2009-11-03T20:28:00.003Z

I have been taking some sixth form lessons in a local school recently and it has been one of those times when I feel that I have learnt more than they did! It was a new lesson looking at how to live the whole of life well for ourselves and others... quite an undertaking in an hour. We have been talking about what people want to do in life and how they want to be remembered. It has been largely positive, although slightly depressing when one group could think of very little that they felt passionate about, but couldn't stop taling about X factor. Delving deeper, I discovered people with a love of politics, a fair few wanting to be teachers, lawyers, doctors, journalists and people wanting to fight climate change. Lots of people wanted to travel but very few were planning on taking a gap year before uni. It was also great to hear that a number wanted to raise a family, and saw it as very important that their children were raised in a secure environment. As I told them in hopefully a not too cheesy way, I get so excited in youth work about the potential in every young person and I encouraged them to follow their dreams. It was a genuine privilege to hear them talking about their hopes and I pray that they are fulfilled.

De-sensitised?

2009-10-23T21:45:00.002+01:00

This is a conversation that I recently had with a young person. He was talking about the console game Call of Duty.

Me: What certificate is that?

YP: A 15

Me: Is it violent?

YP: No not really

Me: What happens in it? ISn't it about war?

YP: Yeah, but it isn't violent.

Me: What happens then?

YP: You shoot people, but you don't see much. There's no guts splurging out or anything.

Me; But they die?

YP: Yeah

New Beginnings

2009-09-05T20:17:00.004+01:00

Well, it has been a while since I posted here - longer than I thought, actually. My return to work is imminent- Monday!- and Daniel starts playgroup on the same day. It feels like another milestone in his life and a step towards his independence, which is wonderful, but tinged with a tiny drop of sadness. Sophia is 6 months old on Monday as well, and is embracing the world of solid food with great vigour. Neil's post as part-time children's worker came to an end on 31 August. I was looking back at our review of the year and I had written about this, and said that we weren't worried about it as we knew God had everything in hand. My mind has been whirring during the maternity leave, and I have been thinking about many, many things, and I have been wondering about the future. I haven't been worried at all, but just pondering I suppose. Anyway, it has been wonderful to see that God's hand is very much on our family, as I said at the start of the year. Although I work part-time, I work strange, youth worker type hours and it would be very hard for Neil to find a job that fits around my work, as well as fitting in with the care of our lovely children. But it has all worked out perfectly as a wonderful arrangement has fallen into his lap, where he works for a few hours a week looking after a little boy. The whole thing fits perfectly with our situation at the moment and Neil's gift of working with children. It is a timely reminder that God hems us in behind and before, and in gentle ways is guiding us a family. I will carry this with me as I return to work and as a family we face a number of new beginnigs.

Praying to baby Jesus

2009-07-09T20:56:00.002+01:00

Neil led a youth group session the other day on Jesus' childgood, and as a response asked the young people to write a prayer to the 12 year old Jesus. IO thought this was fantastic.

We want to be together

2009-07-08T20:43:00.002+01:00

I saw an advert for some Christian tshirts the other day and one of the slogans related to only needing God. This perspective is something that I grew up with - don't worry about what your mates say about being a Christian - God is your strength and refuge and he is all you need. I have been thinking about where this thinking comes from, and wondering whether it is a bit of cop out. Is this focus more to do with the individualistic nature of our society than what God intends for us. I increasingly think that it is harder and more authentic to not just 'rely on God' but also accept that the Christian life requires us to rely and trust each other as well. Just a thought - I may add to this later...

We are family

2009-04-15T21:36:00.006+01:00

Sophia is now over a month and we are all getting to know each other. These are such special but tiring times. Daniel decided today that he wanted to wear pants and is doing really well - this is a massive step for all of us, especially as we use reusables and saving the planet one nappy at a time can get a little icky at times.

Youth Ministry 3.0

2009-04-15T21:26:00.003+01:00

Feeding Sophia at all times of the day and night is giving me lots of time to think and pray. I keep considering the way we do church and youth ministry in particular. My head is buzzing eith loads of things, partly fuelled by SPring Harvest. In lots and lots of ways, I love it and think it has tackled some relevant and much needed subjects in the last few years. This year focussed on 'The APprentice' the way Jesus taught and we learn. One of the things it highlights to me is the importance of learningin smaller groups and that more often than not, God challenges and shapes us through the act of living and making us vulnerable to those in our community, in places where we have the opportunity to hear and also be heard. It is somewhat ironic when people discuss the need for this kind of set up when leading huge seminars that are basically proven to not be effective places of learning!

In my jumbled head, it links with an excellent article in this month's Youthwork, called Youth Ministry 3.0, which basically asserts that a lot of youth ministry is inefective and needs to change. It verbalised a lot of what I have been thinking. I am just praying that God will show me the way to go and give me the courage to look to Him and move forwards...

Introducing Sophia Amy Roper

2009-03-09T21:41:00.003Z

Sophia was born on Saturday 7 March at 3.13pm, weighing 7 lb 13.5 oz. It was a water birth and I think I did really well with great support from my wonderful husband and fantastic midwives. Isn't she lovely, Isn't she beautiful?...

Walk This Way

2009-03-01T20:14:00.002Z

The last few weeks have flown by as we have been getting ready for the baby and trying to sort out a new laptop. I am still working things out, but there has not been much opportunity to post on here. The baby is now 2 days overdue and it is testing my patience - come one little one, we can't wait to meet you! To take my mind off things, I thought I would share some words of Thomas a Kempis. The quotation is an extract from 'Walk this Way 40 days on the road with Jesus', which is the new book from Paternoster/Spring HArvest/Thinking Allowed:

'What use is it to argue cleverly about the Trinity, if you lack humility and so grieve the Trinity? Get this: clever words don't make a saint or even a Christian! No, God is pleased with people who live well. I'd rather feel my sin and shame, not understand it. You might know every word of the Bible, and have degrees and doctorates, but all that gains you precisely nothing without the love and grace of God.'

The book was launched at a training day that I went to a few weeks, also called Walk This Way. It was a good day, looking at the way that Jesus taught and we learn. There was a focus on deep learning, and how this is lacking in our schools and churches. The general consensus was that we all learn best in small groups or 1-1, rather than large conference settings. Ironically we were in a large conference setting... Will post more on this when I find my notes and remember some more details - my pregnancy head means that my brain is a bit of a jumble! I was initially disappointed that the tie-in book doesn't unpack the training content, but is instead 40 days worth of readings. As I have begun reading it, though, it has turned out to be rather good and a great resource for Lent.

Beaches in January

2009-01-14T22:23:00.003Z

Once more, I shall bore you with tales of my son. Soemtimes I would love to get into the mind of a 2 year old. For a while now, every time he sees a picture of the Fat Controller, he says 'Daddy'. It makes me giggle every time. I, on the other hand, am Peter Pan, apparently.

Also, Daniel is just getting into imaginary play. He needs a bit of encouragement but then there is no stopping him. Last night, we were looking through his photo albums and saw pictures of the beach from holiday. So, at 6.30pm in JAnuary, he declared that he wanted to go to the beach. I tried to explain the impracticalities of this, so he said 'beach later' as if we would be going in the next 10 minutes. Which was when I had a genius mummy moment.

Using 2 blankets, I created a 'beach' in his bedroom. We used sticks and his plastic snooker cue for spades and we were soon having a whale of a time on the beach. He pretended to splash in the water and kept saying 'cold.' This morning, he went on a boat to see some ducks with his grandad, apparently. We even had ice cream (a wooden whistle) which he kept licking and saying chocolate ice cream! He does get quite bossy and demanded that I 'dig castle, mummy.' Every time I stopped I was ordered back to work.

The funniest moment came last night when we put him to bed. A couple of minutes after putting him to bed, he poked his head around the door, made a dash for the snooker cue and ran back in his room. Neil went to put him back to bed and he just said, 'more digging!'

It is wonderful to see his imagination and creativity awakening. It is something I want to encourage throughout his childhood and into adulthood as it is such a precious gift. Sometimes God feels very close in these moments. I am pretty sure he likes our beach as much as Daniel.

Love is...

2009-01-14T22:16:00.002Z

I am still recovering from an excellent but exhausting weekend away at Halls Green. We took away 8 11 and 12 year olds, which I know is some youth worker's worst nightmare, but they are a lovely group. They are really funny with bags of potential and loads of fun to be around. It was VERY cold though. I did ok considering that the baby is due in 6 and a half weeks!

The theme of the weekend was love, focusing on Mt 22:37-40. They got to do their own take on things by putting together a short video on the freak banana man finding love and being accepted, surreal in that special way that 11 and 12 year olds manage. But for me, a really special moment came when we were praying at the end of the weeknd and an 11 year old said something along the lines of 'I know how great your love is God, becasue we have had an ace weekend without any arguments or anything and it shows how special your love is!' A brilliant bit of applied theology and lovely to see God's love having an impact. I love those small, but significant youth work moments.

Merry Christmas... and the Roper Review of the Year

2008-12-14T19:36:00.009Z

Merry Christmas! I thought that I would save paper again this year by adding our family newsletter as a blog post, so hello if you are reading this as a result of a festive email and hi to those that read the blog anyway (all 3 of you).

So what has been happening for the Ropers in 2008?

Holidays

We have had some great times away as a family this year. Due to Daniel's love of the outdoors, I managed to get Neil camping twice! We were at Spree, a youth camp in July and Greenbelt, a Christian arts festival in August and we had a lovely time at both, despite soem rain and mud.

We also had a lovely time on the Isles of Scilly with Neil's parents. The Scilly Isles were really beautiful and we were really blessed to have the opportunity to go. It was especially exciting for Daniel, as we got to fly in a helicopter there and back! Quite a lot of children cry because of the noise, but Daniel only cried when he realised that he wasn't going back on the 'dopter.'

Normal Life Stuff

Can you believe that we will soon have been in Enfield for 5 years? I am still working at as Youth Worker at Enfield Baptist Church and still enjoy it loads. However, I also missed spending time with Daniel, so I reduced my hours in September and it was wonderful to have the support of the church to allow this to happen. Neil began working part-time at the church as Children's and Families Worker and enjoys this nearly as much as being the primary carer! It's been good for Neil to get to know a number of other dads that are involved in childcare, and for the second year running, his and his friend's presence at a Christmas meal meant that it had to carefully be referred to as the PARENT and toddler meal, rather than mums and tots! Also, for the second year running, Neil and his friend were the only ones to go to the pub after the meal. Neil is also studying part-time for a Degree in Children's and Youth Ministry. He has been working very hard and doing very well, and I am very proud of him.

Daniel!

It is hard to believe that our little boy was 2 at the end of October. At the start of year, he wasn't walking, but now he is running, bouncing and dancing. He is an absolute joy and now he has started talking, it is hard to get him to stop. Like mother, like son. He is also very much into books (I take the credit for that as well) and music (that one is more down to Neil probably.) But we blame his love for drums on church. He just adores them and has got fairly good rhythm. We may be crazy but we brought him a drumkit for his birthday and he loves it. Come to think of it, our neighbours haven't spoken to us for a while, though.

Looking Forward to 2009!

We are very excited about 2009. There is already lots in store, most importantly the arrival of our little girl. The baby is due at the end of February and we are all over the moon. Please pray for a safe delivery and that Neil is around, as he is due to be at college the week before the due date... Photos and news will be on here and Facebook. It will also be exciting to see what is in store for us, as Neil is on a fixed-term contract of one year, so we will have to wait and see what happens with his job. We're not worried though, as we know that God has his hand on our family in the big and little things of life, through good times and bad. As we celebrate the birth of Jesus at Christmas, it is so wonderful to know the truth of Emmanuel - God being with us.

We look forward to being in touch with you soon, whether we see you often or not and hope that 2009 brings you much joy!

MP3 Magic!

2008-12-10T20:51:00.003Z

It was my birthday last week and I have finally got an MP3 player. After a false start, it arrived yesterday and I am very excited at owning my Creative Zen. I buy lots less music than I used to, mainly because I have less disposable income and I am trying nto to own so many possessions. However, as I pile through the CDs to add them to my player, I realise that I do have a fair few.

For one reason or another, I have got some new(ish) music recently, as well as getting hold of a couple of classics. We picked up Nevermind - Nirvana on a beautiful picture disc vinyl in Canterbury the other week, along with the Stone Roses' first album on orange vinyl. It matches my copy of Fools Gold on gold vinyl, which is one of my favourite songs.

I also picked up Arcade Fire's Neon Bible and The Last Shadow Puppets' the Age of the Understatement at a record fair. I am really enjoying both of these, and keep meaning to look into some of Arcade Fire's lyrics, which I am finding quite intriguing.

Then, someone bought me The Cream of the Beautiful South and Condensed House Martins for my birthday, which I am lovign as well, although was slightly shocked as I had never heard the album version of DOn't Marry Her before...

Finally, I am going to order the new Spiritualized album with some birthday money, so looking forward to listening to that. Anyone else got any recommendations from the past year, or re-discovered a classic album recently?

Passing on advice - a dilemma

2008-11-25T20:19:00.003Z

Following on from a bit of a false start caused by a lovely sickness bug, I ended up getting to Youthwork the conference a day late. I had a great time though, and despite my endeavours to take it easy as I was both recovering from illness and I am now 6 months pregnant, I seemed to fit in quite a lot. One of the sessions I went to was on reflective listening. It was excellent, with great content and presentation. However, something was mentioned that keeps cropping up and I am not sure what I think. It was the idea that our role as youth workers is not to give advice. In fact, with regards to relfective listening, it is a big no-no.

I went to the session as I know that I do not always listen well enough and I am too quick to offer my opinion, whether in relation to youth work or chatting with friends. And I am well aware of the dangers of youth workers having an undue, unhealthy influence on the young people that they work, albeit intentionally or not. It is also very dodgy when people feel the need to tell others what to do when they do not really know them, or the other person doesn't trust them. It is absolutely right that young people are given the space and time to make up their own minds about things and do not feel pressured into certain ideologies or decisions as a result of the youth peer group or youth leader. And vulnerable young people are at risk of becoming co-dependent, which youth workers need to be aware of.

However, at the same time I think there is space to offer and accept advice in all areas of life, including when working with young people. I am worried that to shy away from offering advice puts too much pressure on the individual. Do we really have all of the answers within? This may be an unfair representation of reflective listening, but the idea is that by listening and reflecting back to a young person, they can think through their own situation and come up with their own way forward. But in my own life, I am not sure that this is always the case. I need other people, not just to listen to me, but I want to learn from their experience and hear their perspective. I certainly don't act upon every bit of advice I am given, but there are some people that I really trust and I want - need their input.

I think it goes deeper than this. I think God calls for us to be together, to learn together, to support one another, to be in community and need each other. This is part of why Christians are called to be church; true church is about vulnerability, honesty and a move away from self-reliance and reliance not just on God but each other. In Proverbs 27:17, it says, 'as iron sharpens iron, one man [sic] sharpens another.' Sometimes when we are in a relationship that is based on mutual trust and respect, we need to say and hear challenging things. We need to think of things from a new angle. We need to admit we don't have all of the answers and talk things through with someone else that doesn't have all of them either, but can help us see things differently. We need to hear things we don't like.

And this is risky and at times dangerous. The things we say can be taken the worng way. We may mis-read a situation. But it doesn't mean that we shouldn't do it, adn I think that this applies to youth work as well.

I am still thinking through this, but this is where my thoughts are at the moment. I would really value any thoughts or feedback.

Daniel is 2!

2008-11-23T20:15:00.004Z

Hallelujah, I have finished some things that I have been working on in my spare time, meaning that I can blog some more now! And I have a new found desire to actually do it as well. Once again, lots has been going on since I was regularly posting, including me working part-time and Neil starting work at church as part-time children's worker. I really should reflect a bit more on that, as we're still something of an oddity in the church world.

Daniel has also turned 2 and is such a sweety. I am both aware that I talk too much about my precious boy, but also find it hard to stop! I do see people's eyes glazing over, yet still have to report some funny anecdote that appears to be lost on them. It's just so lovely getting to know him more and so exciting that he is saying new words every day. One constant that still remains is his love for drums, hence we bought him a drum kit for his birthday, which needless to say, he adores. He makes us play along with his guitar and keyboard. As we are not musical, and not encouraging this, I blame church...

We had a great party for him and Neil made an amazing tractor cake, which was greatly appreciated by all. Toddlers birthday parties are shattering, though! Enough boring toddler talk that no one really cares about.. the pictures are cute though, right??

Time Well Spent

2008-10-06T16:38:00.003+01:00

I felt a blog post was well overdue, but as I also have some other deadlines looming, I thought I would cheat a little by including an article that I wrote recently for the church newsletter. I quite like it though, so here goes...

Can you guess what these statistics from studies in the last year are referring to?

• 233 million working hours are lost doing this every month.
• It costs an estimated £6.5 billion each year in lost productivity.

They are referring to social networking internet sites, such as Facebook, MySpace and Bebo. Many workplaces have now banned them as they are causing such a distraction, but with millions worldwide using Facebook alone, they are also cutting into people’s social lives. I personally can testify that it is easy to log on and let half an hour slip by checking people’s status updates and writing on their walls… obviously, this is done in my spare time! Although some think the sites are in decline, there is sure to be something else to take its place, as we humans seem to be very good at procrastinating.

If the opening paragraph has left you completely confused, and you can’t tell your MSN Messenger from blogger.com, then perhaps there are other things that you find yourself whiling away your time with. Maybe you are a telly addict, or always do the crossword when the washing up is waiting. This trait is often easier to spot in others! Sometimes we need to ask ourselves whether our time is well spent.

As fairly new parents, a lot of time is spent with our toddler, which I think is a great way to spend time! He recently spent the night at his grandparents and we were amazed at the amount of time that stretched in front of us before we had to leave the house. We found ourselves asking what we did with our time before we had Daniel. I’m sure we’ll ask the same question when we have another child! Sadly, I decided to spend the time emailing and working at 7.30 am rather than relaxing. I’m now not sure this was a great use of time either. I was showing hints of what I call the Martha Syndrome (Lk 10:38-42).

Instead of ‘wasting time’, the other extreme is the Martha Syndrome, where people are committed to so many good things and become so busy that they find it hard to relax, prioritise the wrong things, or become less effective at the many things they are doing. We twist the meaning of Ecclesiastes 3:1, thinking that ‘there is a time for everything…’ means that we must fit everything in!

It seems that we are often stuck between these 2 extremes, either avoiding doing the things that really matter, or doing so much that we have no time to stop and breathe in God’s grace. Is there another way?

A few months back, I took a day trip to London to listen to God. I did nothing dramatic, simply walking around taking the time to stop, look and listen. It had a profound impact on me and God spoke in so many ways. It helped me to rethink, reprioritise and refocus. It was time well spent and helped me to balance out the 2 extremes.

As Mark Yaconelli says in Contemplative Youth Ministry, ‘in this culture, we often feel guilty for taking time to rest. Downtime seems inefficient, unproductive and useless… If we are to minister… then like Jesus we must set aside regular times to stop, let go of our hold on life and let God love us. This is Jesus’ desire for us.’ It is time well spent – could you benefit from it?

Dangerous and Destructive

2008-08-19T20:32:00.010+01:00

Right, I am about to make a generalisation that may be incredibly sweeping and is based largely on my own experience...

I think that one of the most destructive things amongst Christians is anonymous criticism. There's been a number of times that I have been told that someone or some people are unhappy about soemthing that I've been involved with, but i Hear through a third person. I find it really hard to process this type of criticism - I have no way to clarify what has been said or offer any form of explanation/apology where necessary. Instead, I am left with a horrid feeling that someone is upset without having any way to move forward. I am pretty sure that I am the same as others in that I don't like being criticised, even if it is ultimately beneficial. But I do see that it is sometimes very necessary even if it is hard to hear. I would like to think that I am approachable, and wish people would speak to me directly.

I know that I can't make people do that, so instead, I am going to try the following things:
I'll try to be as open, honest and loving with others as possible.
If someone starts telling me what others think, I'll politely ask if they would ask the people involved to come directly to me.
I'll keep praying to God so that I don't take things so personally and don't hold on to things so tightly.

Any more tips??

Some News

2008-08-19T20:32:00.006+01:00

... I am pregnant again! The baby is due at the end of Feb and is one of the reasons posting has been even more lax than usual. I have been v tired in the evenings and goign to bed ridiculously early when I have had the chance. But I am not so exhausted all the time now. The scan is on Thurs, so I will post the pic of the gorgeous baby then.

I'm Back!

2008-08-19T20:32:00.003+01:00

SInce the best part of 2 months have passed, I thought I should add another post. Recapping on the whole of my life would be a little dull, so I thought I would concentrate on holidays. In mid- July, we went to the Isles of Scilly. We stayed on St Mary's and it really was an amazing place. The Scilly Isles are about 30 miles off the Cornwall coast and are beautiful. We flew over by helicopter, which Daniel loved and cried when he realised we weren't going back on! It is really like another world, where people leave parked cars with the windows down and are generally very trusting. It is also very quiet - at 9am on a hot day, we went down to the main beach and were the only family there; by 11am there were 3 families. Just beautiful - but pretty exclusive - we could only go as Neil's parents were so generous. The whole thing left us pretty chilled out and Daniel loved the beach... photos to follow.

And now I am just back from another island - I was a leader on an Urban Saints holiday on Westbrook, Isle of WIght. it is actually a long time since I have been involved on a camp with children and young people that I don't know, and I had a wonderful time. It was so good to be part of a team and lots of fun to get to know the children and young people. Daniel loved it as our room was next door to the meeting room, which held drums. From 6.15am, he was demanding to go to the 'ums'... although we mamanged to keep him off them until at least 7.30am! They must have loved us...

And on Friday I am taking a group to Greenbelt, which should be excellent, both because of the event and the people that I am going with. The forecast looks good too...

A busy yey great weekend!

2008-06-23T19:31:00.002+01:00

The weekdn just gone was great although I am now shattered! It started off with a coffee morning that Yoof Klub ran, one highlight being our adopt-a-jellybaby scheme, where for 50p you could become the proud parent of a jellybaby, complete with birth certificate. A funny moment was one of the girls tried to get her mum to look after her jellybaby as she was tempted to eat it, which had happened to an earlier baby. Her mum refused, and as she gave in to temptation and bit off the baby's head, she cried out 'Mum, you're making me do this...' I'm sure there's a sermon illustration there for something somewhere - any ideas?

In the evening, we had a sleepover at Yoof Klub. We had a superhero theme and did lots of things, including a super hero hunt, where 3 leaders were hid around town with a super hero disguise and the young people had to find them. I also ran an activity where a team had to cross the kryptonite swamp (AKA the Hall floor) to get me a glass of water. They were only given a few chairs to use as transport. It was v funny to see their response as I told them when they had got back that I wouldn't drink it unless it had squash in it and they had to go back and get me some! The young people loved it and it was a great reminder that old ideas are still good and you don't need lots of equipment to have lots of fun!

It was a good night but I didn't sleep much. I was really excited the next morning as a number of young people hung around at church that don't normally come. We ran a special super-hero themed morning. The young people didn't go into church at all and we looked at Jesus as the ultimate yet unlikely hero. We split people into groups to look at a different part of Jesus' life and they were given a challenge to come up with a comic strip of the story. It generally worked really well and at the end we put the comic strip together to look at the 'Adventures of Jesus.'

This was followed by the car park party, a renowned event at Enfield Baptist Church, involving a car park , various inflatables, ice cream factory, throwing wet sponges at the minister, strawberries and cream, general fun for everyone and finishing with all-age worship! A number of young peope from Yoof Klub stuck around for that as well and it was good for them to see people of all different ages having fun together, and the weather was beautiful! It was weekend that made me feel all fuzzy inside and grateful for the church that I go to. And Daniel is now talking to himself, saying 'Happy, happy, happy, happy!' Beautiful! Also, my senior minister ordered me to have today off as I worked so hard. Lovely.

It's been a while...

2008-06-06T20:18:00.002+01:00

... but I'm back. A number of reasons have conspired againt any blogging, such as running around after a small boy, my husband hogging the office for his own studies and me being fairly tired after working, mummying and doing a spot of marking.

So, what's been happening? Well, Daniel's vocabulary is extending, current favourite word is poo-poo, and favourite animal noise is ee-ee (a mouse). And I discovered at bed time that he knows what stars are. Neil's vocabulary is also pretty good, which he's putting to good use with his degree in Children's and Youth Ministry at Cliff College.

I've been experiencing and thinking a lot about lessons in leadership. The last few months have been... interesting... at times, and I've learnt a lot of things. As I write them, I can't help but remember the words of Ecclesiastes 'there's nothing new under the sun.' There is nothing remotely original here and it's stuff I knew in theory anyway. But, as ever, these things take on a deeper resonance when you live through them. Here's some of my incredibly obvious insights:

Sometimes when you are a leader, you have to make difficult and unpopular decisions. People may not like them, or you.
Sometimes you don't know what people think and you'll never find out, but you can't help but wonder anyway...
It is often tempting to explain and defend yourself, but sometimes the best way forward is to shut up.
On the other hand, being up front and talking to people about differences is much better than ignoring issues and tensions
People can be jealous or scared of you, even if you think this is completely unfounded!
The things God lays on your heart and you speak about may not always be popular.
Even if you love planning, sometimes you just have to wing it... and God makes it happen so you trust Him instead of yourself!
People work very differently - and it's a GOOD THING, especially when it's different from the way you want to do it
Sometimes poeple don't understand or appreciate what you do, and although you may want lots of praise and adoration, it's probably not that healthy anyway.
Good leaders want to develop a fear of God, not people.

Obviously, whenever I write you, I am obviously referring particularly to myself.
Here's a couple of personal ones to finish with that are challenges at different times. My guess is that other leaders struggle between these 2 extremes.

Sometimes I am arrogant.
Sometimes I lack confidence and I'm insecure, which affects the way I see things.

I remember when I was younger desperatley wanting to be in leadership because it looked so fun and it made you important. Obviously, I have understood for a while that importance isn't at the heart of leadership; stories about Jesus and feet washing spring to mind. But I think I'll have to keep coming back to these same old lessons time and time again. SOmetimes I feel like such a slow learner and I am thankful that I have an ever loving, ever patient teacher.

Sheer Grit, Determinination and Stupidity

2008-03-26T22:29:00.003Z

I have a stubborn streak, or, on a more positive note, a determined nature. A good example of this happened yesterday, when I was looking after Daniel for the day so that Neil could study. I decided that it would be a good idea to take him on a long walk to a place called Crews Hill where there are various garden nurseries and pet shops aka free zoos. We had a great time, and had various adventures, including meeting a bird that could say hello, seeing some fish, meeting a snake and Daniel finding some tennis balls, which appeared to be more interesting than the cute puppies. I also discovered that the going rate for a rabbit is £35, compared to the £5 when I was young...

This sounds lovely, but is slightly more stupid when you consider that I had been ill over the Easter weekend and was still not eating much yesterday. And it is called Crews Hill for a reason, which I was reminded of as I pushed my 2 stone son up it in his buggy. By the time we had found the animals, gave Daniel a hearty lunch and FINALLY found somewhere to change his nappy (don't get me started on that one..), I was absolutely shattered and not feeling too good. And wondering why on earth I make things so difficult on myself. It was a long walk home, and it was only when a bus went past in the opposite direction that I wondered why I hadn't even considered getting one!

The truth is, that when I really decide I want to do something, I do it, or at least try very hard to, despite what may be more sensible or easier. This, like most things can be a strength and a weakness, and it led me to think about our God-given giftings and strengths and weaknesses of our characters. Has God given me this (sometimes) steely grit to serve him and do the work of his kingdom, or does it act as a barrier from listening and following after what God wants of me? The truth seems to be somewhere down the middle. Sometimes it is a great characteristic and sometimes it is a reminder to re-focus on God and let my desires melt away and follow His instead. Stubborn or determined? Or just a bit silly?

Examening things

2008-03-04T20:39:00.004Z

On Saturday, I went along to a training day that was led by Jenny Baker and organised by Urban Saints. The day was called 'Leading Young People into the Presence of God' and was exploring the use of contemplative prayer in our own lives and in youth ministry. As I expected, Mark Yaconelli's book Contemplative Youth Ministry was referred to a lot, which is good, as I think it is great and I am still working through some of the things that the book brought up for me personally and in youth ministry.

The training itself was great - well presented, with brilliant notes and excellent visuals. SOmeone I was with commented that this really helped her to focus. However, the best bit was that we didn't just hear about these things but were led through the Awareness Examen, Lectio Divinae and left to explore some prayer stations.

I wasn't expecting to hear much that was new and in a sense, I didn't but I have come away deeply affected by the Awareness Examen. In its simplest form, it is a way of reflecting and praying through life. It is best done daily, and takes the form of 2 questions:

For what moment was I most grateful for today?
For what moment was I least grateful?

Praying through these things can help to discover not more about ourselves, where God is leading us and perhaps, most importantly for me at this time, where God is during the good, hard, ugly and uplifting moments of each day. A much better explanation of the examen can be found in the book 'Sleeping with Bread.' I haven't finished reading it, but it feels like its words are gently watering my soul and is just the ticket for me at this moment!

Here's how I hope to see it used:
After having used this off and on before, I want to use this daily on my own
I also want to introduce this to my family - me and Neil, but as Daniel grows, I think it will really benefit him as well
We always share News of the Week in youth groups, but I would love to structure it more to focus it on the Awareness Examen.
I plan to use the Examen to focus and help in meetings. I think this will help review things as well as provide a place for everyone to be listened to.

Also, I saw these LED rechargeable candles on Saturday - they are fantastic and I really want some!

There are other training days across the country. If you are nearby, I would recommend going along...

Hard at work

2008-02-15T15:25:00.002Z

And here he is mopping the floor. What a good boy.

Sorry - think this came out sideways...

Hard at work

2008-02-15T15:22:00.002Z

I went to visit my friends at the N:Flame office the other day. It was good to see someone hard at work.

The first in an occassional series

2008-02-13T23:56:00.002Z

Ian tagged me in a book related tagging, and I will respond, but it got me thinking about things I am currently reading. The books that are ingrained in my head currently are Daniel's. Therefore, I will post random sentences from some of his books and you have to guess the book! Yay! Let's start with something easy:

'That night he had stomach ache.'

Connecting in Lent

2008-02-07T22:15:00.001Z

Last night was the first session of Connect, a lent course for young people that we are running jointly with the local Catholic church. We have an after school cafe on a Wednesday and some people hung around after that for some food. Others turned up at 530pm to have the wonderful lasagne prepared by a lovely lady in the church. At 6.30pm, some others came and we ran a session on prayer. It involved Nooma, balloons, paint, a shredder, newspapers, journals and ummm... prayer. It was also exciting as 2 of the young people from church were involved in planning and leading it and they were amazing! There were close to 20 people there and according to a mum of a girl from the Catholic church, she had a great time and turned off the TV when she got home to tell her dad all about it. Not sure he was too pleased as he was watching the football.

It was wonderful for a few reasons. Firstly, I have wanted to build on the after school cafe for a while and think that sharing food is so important. I'd love to do this regularly, where the church is open into the evening and young people can come to the cafe, or for dinner, or for a discussion/reflection group.... or all 3. Last night suggested that it might work! It was also wonderful to work with a church with such different traditions and it be such a success! Christian unity, yay!

On a personal note, it has been a funny old week and I was encouraged by last night for lots of reasons and think God had designed that. Looking forward to next week...

I am also excited as I am having a couple of informal gatherings in a couple of weeks, getting together adults that will hopefully be part of 1-1 discipleship with young people. This is something that has been on my heart forever and I am really pleased it is moving forward. All in God's time...

God's Geek

2008-01-22T19:47:00.000Z

So I have renamed the blog God's Geek in recognition of the fact that I have various geek-like tendencies, of which I am justly proud. My friend Ruth was praying for me yesterday and said that I was a big geek, but I was a geek for God. Hence the new name...

Roothie's Blog

2008-01-22T19:38:00.001Z

I should have flagged this up ages ago, but my lovely friend Roothie is blogging. As well as being Daniel's official photographer, she is generally amazing and her blog should be read by all to spread some desperateley needed Roothieness around the world.

Not Captivated

2008-01-16T20:58:00.001Z

This is most certainly not a full review, but I was bought the book Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge for Christmas, and felt obliged to read it, despite some misgivings. I write hesitatingly, as I don't want to be too harsh or unkind, but the book troubled me. It made many assumptions about women, ranging from all girls wanting to be princesses, the majority of girls having a twirly skirt stage, as well as loving horses and all females wanting to have their Question answered: Am I lovely?

The book made me cross and most of all saddened me, as I felt it pigeonholed women and relied on thoughtless sterotypes, despite at various points claiming not to be doing this. It saddens me that so many have read it, and although on one level I am of course pleased that they found some sort of encouragement through it, I also find it worrying that it IS so popular and women feel able to connect with it, despite its reliance on gender stereotypes.

I felt it would have made a much better autobiography, as Stasi has obviously had some horrid and hurtful experiences, and her relationship with God has sustained her in these times. I just wish the book didn't revert to unhelpful generalisations and attempt to speak on behalf of all women.

What do others think? Have other people read it and take a different perspective? Or have they read the original for Alpha Males - Wild at Heart??

Another Post On FeminYM...

2008-01-16T20:38:00.000Z

I posted the next bit of my article on FeminYM if you are interested...

The Ropers' Review of the Year

2007-12-24T12:21:00.000Z

It’s been a good year for the three of us with lots happening as always, including good times of relaxation and fun! Here’s a brief summary…

A Year in the Life of Daniel

The biggest changes have of course taken place with Daniel. He started the year as a little 2 month old and ends it as a nearly toddler. There are too many milestones to mention that have happened over the whole year, but over just the last week he has achieved the following:

• A first tooth (finally)
• A stagger between mummy and daddy. I am calling it unaided walking, especially as it happened in church and was v cute but the jury’s out as to whether they were his first steps.
• Standing on his own for ages.
• Meeting Father Christmas in his grotto and looking fairly perplexed by the whole experience.
• Making lots of new noises and words, although we can’t understand most of them. He copied me sneezing earlier and it was so cute!
• Opened up the deck and put the needle on a record – Neil was particularly pleased with that!

Daniel is very funny and brings joy to so many people. We love him so much and are trying to enjoy every part of every stage of his life. We are pleased, though, that the 4 month stretch of waking in the night has finished. Those of you who see us will hopefully have noticed that we look less like zombies now. His particular interests are horses, pushing (toy) cars and tractors around, tickling toes, climbing stairs and sliding back down again, biscuits at church and giving Mummy kisses. Okay, that is more like something that I have trained him to do but I enjoy it immensely.

Neil – the Primary Carer
Neil’s had an interesting year, as he stopped full time paid employment in April and is now Daniel’s primary carer! He has adjusted well to this very different lifestyle, as has Daniel and is a regular at various groups and activities. He is particularly pleased to have met another stay-at-home dad recently, as it is still largely a woman’s world! He was pleased that him and his friend were the first dads ever at the recent Christmas dinner for the parent’s and toddlers group!

Neil still has a heart for children’s ministry and is pleased to be spending so much time with Daniel, learning from him. He also started a new degree course in September called the BA in Children’s and Youth Ministry. This is great as it is giving him a wonderful opportunity to study something that he is so passionate about, but is challenging as looking after Daniel feels like a 24 hour job at times and fitting in study after a hard day with a baby takes a lot of will power.

Neil has also taken on responsibility for running Lasers this year, which is the Junior Group at church. He coordinated the Holiday Club in February last year, which saw nearly 100 children coming along, and we are hoping for even more in Feb 2008. It is something he really loves doing and he does well. I think it is a real gift from God, and a great way for the church to show children something of God’s love for them.

Me – Full time mummy and youth worker

Those of you who read this blog will notice that the posts have been somewhat sporadic for a while, and that is largely due to me trying to adjust to working full time and spending lots of time with my lovely boys. I normally manage the balance ok, but am always glad of a time to rest and chill out. This term in particular has been hard for a number of reasons but I can see God challenging me and developing me through it which is good, although difficult at times. I still love what I do and it is such a privilege to be alongside young people watching them grow and change. I have particularly enjoyed the schoolswork that I am involved with.

I was really pleased to have completed my Diploma in Youth Mission and Ministry despite having had Daniel in the middle of it, and even more excited to be invited back to Cliff College in October to take a session on my Research Project. I am going back in January to take a couple more lectures. I love study and training, and I had been praying for doors open in this area if it was right. And a few doors are opening! Now I just need discernment to know what to say yes to!

Final Thoughts

It is far too easy to fill these things with lots of stuff that we have been doing and although that is important, I think that the best things that have happened for us as a family aren’t always centred on actions or big events. Instead, it is being together, enjoying the little things and sharing time with family and friends. For those of you that we have seen and spent time with this year, thank you! We love being with you and hanging around together. For friends that are further away, praise the Lord for Facebook… We know we are rubbish at staying in touch but we do care even though birthday cards may be late or never arrive. Please stay in touch – we are so blessed to have people near and far that are special to us and we don’t take it for granted too much.

And finally, merry Christmas! Enjoy the wonder of this time of year and take time to reflect on the birth of Jesus, light of the world rather than eating too much turkey. That’s what we will try to do…

Fem in YM...

2007-11-20T20:02:00.000Z

Just posted the start of an article on Fem in YM. Check it out (if you want to...)

Youthwork the Conference

2007-11-19T19:24:00.000Z

I went with a group to Youthwork the conference and had a great time, despite feeling poorly over the weekend and returning feeling pretty ill really. Just briefly, then, it was great to be at the launch of the Sophia Network, a network for women in youth ministry, which looks to be releasing and exciting. As well, schoolswork.co.uk was launched. Not only was the school disco great (And we looked super keen by being one of the few people in school uniform) but the website looks really good...

ASBo Jesus

2007-11-02T15:01:00.001Z

ASBO Jesus is amazing. Read it. Simple as...

Daniel's birthday

2007-10-30T20:33:00.000Z

Daniel is one! We had a lovely day, with just he three of us in the morning and a family party in the afternoon. One of the only times he got upset was when we tried to prize his helium balloon off him in the balloon shop to tie it to his buggy! Our present was a big success, although he has mastered it already (child genius). He loves his music and was v excited to receive a drum and a guitar! His Grandma and Grandad came with a van full of presents today, including a great tractor and trailer. I don't currently have pics of the party, but here's a picture of a birthday swing.

Stop Look Listen

2007-10-30T20:18:00.000Z

So, I am looking forward to preaching on Sunday night and have decided what to preach on when I had before me a blank canvas! I am going to talk about the importance of slowing down and listening to God - and hope to use in some way the Green Cross Code - beware the song is somewhat catchy. As I am preaching to adults primarily, I hope that they bear with me through the silliness. It is heavily influenced by an amazing retreat day that I had in London last Monday and will write more about that after the preach. Suffice to say that I found that when I slowed down and searched for glimpses of God, I saw that he was everywhere...

Self Esteem

2007-10-02T11:23:00.002+01:00

I am fairly pleased with a lesson for Year 12 girls that I have put together on Self Esteem. Big thanks to Ian for helping me out with trying to download clips from You Tube - in the end I used Miro and it worked beautifully!

I used clips from the Dove Self Esteem Fund, as well as Christina Aguilera's video of Beautiful. I ran the lesson for the first time yesterday and got on to some good discussion, including whether the media causes low self esteem or exacerbates an exisiting problem. I was able to share how my slef esteem is based on how I believe God sees me and read the Message's version of Psalm 139. It is such a vast subject that it was actually really hard to do it any kind of justice in an hour, and I was especially aware of not wanting to open up too many difficult issues that couldn't be followed up. Hope this was the case!

Lovely Day Out

2007-10-02T11:23:00.001+01:00

Me and Neil had a lovely day out to celebrate our wedding anniversary and Neil's birthday (both early July - told you we have been busy!) We headed over to uber-cool Hampstead and saw Casablanca at the fantastic Everyman Cinema, followed by a couple of drinks and dinner at Giraffe..

Daniel had a great time with his grand parents and we had such fun just beign together. Daniel, by the way, is just wonderful. He can climb stairs now and, despite still having no teeth, loves to brush his gums - when I do it for him, he finds it really funny. Can't believe it his birthday at the end of the month!

Breathing a Big Sigh of Relief...

2007-10-02T11:23:00.000+01:00

I am just feeling pretty good - work and personal life felt like they were spiralling out of control for a while, but for the last few days, things have settled down and I am back on more of an even keel. I really do not believe that my work proves myself to God and I want to spend more time just being, but I am finding that my default position is to work too hard and I am trying to explore why that is. SOmetimes it feels like a vicious circle - I am trying to distribute out some responsiblities to others, but I am too busy with responsibilities to sort it out!!

But things are settling down and I feel like I have more time to the 4 (yes 4!) gap year volunteers based at the church this year. I also can spend some more time reading which I love love love. I am reading Growing Souls by Mark Yaconelli, but I have barely started to be honest. First impressions are that it is very good, but there is lots of overlap with Contemplative Youth Ministry. I heard all 3 of his talks at Greenbelt and they were incredible despite the repetition; as I said to one of the young people I was camping with, it is like 'having my soul gently watered.' Maybe a lot of the stuff he is saying I need to hear again, especially in light of recent busyness!

On another note, being able to read more is giving me space to think ahead for a youth Bible Study next week. This term, we are looking at questions that people have and hell keeps cropping up - is there really such a place, if so why did God create it if he is loving?... ANy suggestions of resources, articles or books? I know Lewis has been thinking about this recently... I am looking forward to the challenge of thinking through this!

Just to say...

2007-09-20T22:55:00.000+01:00

I am still alive, just busy busy busy (gggrrr)...

Greenbelt was FAB especially MarK Yaconelli and the lovely young people that I camped with...

Facebook is too addictive, although my heart belongs to Blogger...

I have had Daniel on my own this week, whilst working, as Neil has been at Cliff College and it is SO HARd...

I have just been blessed with sausage and chips in a month when money is a little tight! God is good. SO were the chips.

Going to Greenbelt - Please Help!

2007-08-17T08:52:00.000+01:00

Hey

I am about to book Greenbelt tickets for a small group of young people and I am v excited! Just trying to work out what the guidelines for the groups are and wondered whetehr anyone had and (serious or humorous) advice for taking away a youth group. Do you set a curfew (I probably will)? Do you stipulate how many times they must wash over the weekend? Can I demand that it doesn't rain? Can I add some kind of rule about limits to silly headwear? Also, we have got hardly any space in the cars so we don't have much space for food or equipment and I am used to camping with loads of stuff! Any menu suggestions? Although we are camping with a group that apparently has a shower and flush toilet...

Happy Hols

2007-08-15T21:00:00.000+01:00

So I am back from hols and Daniel has used the time wisely to master the right leg shuffle - a commando crawl which involves leading with his right foot and dragging his left leg as an appendage. We had a lovely time as a family, despite going to hols in Gloucestershire when some of the county was being flooded... we came home a little damp and a day or 2 early, but it was great. Daniel has seen loads of horses in his time away, which is great as he loves them. We've no idea where this fixation has come from but he is obsessed. Bless.

Looking forward to getting stuck into work things and am especially excited about soem work I am doing on discipleship. A busy time though, as I am trying to get things ready for 2 new gap years. I also find it hard goign back to work after spending so much time with my lovely boys and am grateful for God to provide me with some focus and a teensy weensy bit of pressure!

Sex God - Rob Bell

2007-08-15T20:40:00.000+01:00

I feel that I have recovered a bit from the course now and have begun reading for fun again. I thought that I would write up a few reviews of the books that I have been reading.

I finished Sex God a while ago, so to be honest I can't remember some of the details. Perhaps this is a good thing as it will show me what parts have made an impression. I was looking forward to it a lot, as I think Velvet Elvis is superb. I quoted it so much during my course (along with Postmodern Ministry by Tony Jones and Mark Yac's Contemplative Youth Ministry)and often recommend it to, well, anyone who is listening, really.

The new book began excellently and I love the way he talks about humans carrying the divine spark, and having great value. I loved the way he talked about spirituality being tied up with sexuality. And some of his endnotes are hilarious... yeah, it WAS good. The problem is, I lost the thread somewhere in the middle and I obviously wasn't fully focussed as he seemed to be saying at the end that heaven was a mass orgy. I am 99% sure that Rob Bell didn't intend to leave his readers with this impression, so I am thinking that I took a wrong turn somewhere. It was possibly because he argues that we won't be married in heaven, and I'm not sure what I think of this.

My overall impression was that Bell has lived with Velvet Elvis for longer, and it therefore made a greater impact on me. However, perhaps it is just that I agreed more with his other book and my head was a bit fuzzy as I was reading Sex God! Rob Bell is a wonderful writer full of wisdom as well as being v accessible. I will recommend the book to the young people that I serve, but will continue to rave more about his first book.

Dilemmas

2007-07-31T10:05:00.000+01:00

You may have picked up from here that I think it is important to live ethically and leave a gentle a footprint as possible. We have recently given up our car, we use reusable nappies (for Daniel, that is) and generally are trying to cut down the amount of stuff that we buy. However, it is really hard! (Fairly obvious, I know. We are now living on one salary, which is great. I love the amount of time that we both get to spend with Daniel and wouldn't have it any other way. However, it does lead to budget constraints. We have recently been shopping mostly in Waitrose(fairly good ethical policies) and buying as much organic and fairtrade as possible, as it is better for the environment, us and everyone else. However, it is much more expensive than the evil one of which we must not speak (T......), and it is v tempting to go . I am not convinced it is all that evil, just the biggest????

Also, I don't buy many new clothes but I succumbed to the Next sale, where the clothes were not organic or fairly traded. And what do we do about Daniel's clothes? Fair trade baby clothes are well expensive and he grows out of them so quickly. To be fair, most of his are hand me downs and I wear lots of hand me downs as well.

It is just hard. We wnat to do live lightly but it is a struggle at times. Although I also know it is nothing compared to the daily struggle that many have just to survive. Any thoughts??

Conversations with Daniel

2007-07-31T10:03:00.000+01:00

Me: Mum mum mum mum
Daniel: dad dad dad
Me: Mum mum MUM
Daniel: Dad dad DAD
Me: Mum
Daniel: Dad
Me: D'oh

5 things you didn't know about me

2007-07-30T22:43:00.000+01:00

So Lewis tagged me about a million zillion years ago and Gim:d tagged me a few weeks back. Here are 5 things you probably didn't know about me.

1. When I was younger, we pretty much watched whatever my dad wanted to. He didn't really like films so there are lots of classic films from my era that I haven't seen. I watched Jaws for the first time the other night, but have never seen Karate Kid, Short Circuit and don't think I have seen all of ET, to name but a few. Jaws was quite scary. i have seen the Goonies though, and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.
2. I don't like people touching my belly button. It feels like they are reaching into my stomach, or into my very soul. To be fair, this isn't a normal problem in day to day life.
3. I can survive on much less sleep than I thought 9 months ago.
4. I am brilliant at slapstick comedy. At least according to Daniel, who finds it hilarious when I pretend to fall over his buggy. I can also cross my legs in that yoga type position without using my hands.
5. I went to see Oasis at Knebworth, and ran to the front so quickly that I managed to get into the first pit. While most people felt as if they werewatching the bands from the next viollage, I was 4 rows from the front. It was fun. I have lots of tales of the gigs that I went to when I was younger. I don't go to so many now, but saw De la soul a while back who were cool.

Crikey, I found this really hard. I asked Neil whether I am boring, in that there is nothing interesting to say about myself. Neil said I'm not boring, I just talk a lot. Hhhmmm.

I did it!

2007-07-02T22:08:00.001+01:00

Well, for those that have been following the blog, I passed the Diploma in Youth MIssion and Ministry and scraped a Distinction. I was v pleased but it was never about the final score - kingdom advancement not career advancement. I felt in amny ways that the course was a time of preparation and look forward to see what God leads me next...

Exhilarating

2007-07-02T22:00:00.000+01:00

I just seem to be in a place where my most beautiful moments - when I feel I can reach out and touch God - are all taking place outside of formal church settings. Some are fairly obvious, as they are centred around Daniel, especially his birth. However, others have been when I have been out and about soaking up God'd creation. This became literal when I was out on my bike and - surprise - it started pouring with rain. I had got to the top of a hill and was cycling at full speed down with the rain puring down. I was in beautuful countryside and it was all at once scary and funny and slippery and fast and breathless and wow! In that moment, I was so full of praise and prayer. The intensity of that moment soon left me, but I was left with a big smile on my face as I rode, praising God who has blessed me with good health and the opportunity to see him in the midst of exercise and English weather.

I still love God's funny bunch of oddness that is church, but I am also enjoying these special moments of awareness that seem to be coming when I am alone.

Never too young to start campaigning...

2007-07-02T21:55:00.000+01:00

A few weeks ago, we took Daniel to his first demo, 'The World Can't Wait'' in Central London. We had a great time. I love the way he is holding onto the placard.

Obedience

2007-06-17T23:33:00.000+01:00

I asked a couple of young people this morning why they should obey God, as part fo a seesion on obedience. An 11 year old lad said 'because he is the king of kings.' Good answer.

Passion[fruit]

2007-06-17T23:20:00.000+01:00

PAssion[fruit] is the weekly youth service at my church. I have been involved with it since I started work here and it has been so exciting to see it grow. The idea is to relaease the young people to lead and plan the event themselves, and it is such a privilege to see them grapple with the Bible and subjects and form a service. Things have not always gone smoothly and several ideas that were incredible and powerful concepts haven't always worked. I have sometimes been given a hard time about this, but for me the point always was to create a space for authentic worship and for young people to test their gifts and lead their peers (and elders) in a response to our awesome creator.

Tonight 'worked well'. Good numbers, tight band, 2 fantastic videos made by young people, home made biscuits, great atmosphere, wonderful talk. This was great, but it has been just as exciting being part of the journey to get this far. Now we need to get some of the younger ones involved - the circle of life, or the circle of Passion[fruit, at least.

Cool.

Feeding Time

2007-05-29T21:24:00.000+01:00

Feeling a little rash

2007-05-29T21:06:00.000+01:00

Well, I am still here! The Research Project was completed on time and I am still revelling in the freedom that finishing the course brings. Sadly, that has meant hat I have had little motivation to sit in front of the computer outside of work, so no blogging!

Part of the problem has also been that I have been poorly off and on for a few weeks - nothing too serious but resulting in me wanting to chill while not working or being with Daniel and Neil. I think some of this as been a result of relaxing and letting myself recover from the sheer stupidity (and joyful challenge!) of having a small baby, returning to work and completing a DIploma. At the same time. The other reason for illness is my lovely little boy. I feel like an NQT, or like I am back at uni with the freshers flu. Having Daniel and attending toddler groups is exposing me to loads of lovely little germs amd I am picking up more things than I have done in years. The most recent came last week when Daniel was poorly over night. We thought it was just teething but he was very sleepy and he lost his appretite the next morning. After another sleep he suddenly had an all over body rash... Seriously, how does it come up so quickly? Apparently, it was a viral rash. Anyway, I was feeling poorly all week and after a bath yesterday, I discovered that it was covering me as well. he is very good at sharing...

It is so beautiful to pour out my love on Daniel and know it makes a difference. I wonder more and more about the wonder of being a parent, and how God shows us his love through loving a child. As I cradled Daniel while he was ill, I didn't care that it was 3 in the morning, I just wanted to help him feel better. I expected nothing in return, although it was wodnerful to know that my cuddles were helping him. The next day when I received his lunch 10 minutes later, I didn't care about the smell (although regurgitated yogurt is quite gooey); I just wanted to hold him and help him. And his smiles and giggles when he was better melted my heart.

I won't spell out the lessons about God's love for us and our response but it has deepened my faith to know a little more of the surge of love that God feels when he looks at me, his precious child.

Deadline Looming...

2007-05-02T22:21:00.000+01:00

Cartoon by Dave Walker. Find more cartoons you can freely re-use on your blog at We Blog Cartoons.

I am getting there slowly... I need to post off the Research project by Saturday. This game is good though. And obviously serves a useful purpose of helping me with my typing. Hhhmmm.

On Daddy's shoulders

2007-03-30T21:56:00.000+01:00

My lovely boys

Brain Ache

2007-03-30T21:42:00.000+01:00

A brief dive into the mind of Amanda. I am currently considering the following things:

Whether I cna relate Saussure's linguistic work to my research project, considering where the postmodern love of stories within discipleship fits with the idea that the meaning of language is up for grabs
what highchair to get for Daniel
how on earth I can cram some brilliant interviews with some great background reading into 6000 words
my imminent return to work and the things I beleive God is saying to me in this area (feeling scared for various reasons!)
what veg to next prepare and give To Daniel (squash and carrot successes - swede and sweet potato over the next few days)
how on earth Christians are meant to respond to culture - do Niebuhr's theories on culture have space within my research project?
how i think contemplative practice is wonderful and essential for listening to God in our crazy world... yet never seeming to do much of it
wondering howmany times a day Daniel will smack me in the face - he packs quite a punch for a 5 month old
trying to deal with some sad news where although I trust God in it all it is still hard
and then having one of those scary late night moments that I have had since I was a chid of just how downright weird life is - are we here at all/is it all just a dream etc etc... but havign read Psalm 84 earlier that evening God reminded me of his sovereignty and remembering that the very nature of faith means that it allows for my odd moments fof crazy doubt!

.... so with so much buzzing around, I will now go run a bath and have a lazy prayer time. It is probably just what I need.

Ps 84: 'My whole being cries out for the living God...A single day in your court is better than a thousand anywhere else.'

Superbaby

2007-03-30T21:38:00.000+01:00

How cute is he? Dressed ready for some of his first tastes of

food... it is a big bib! And things did get messy...Oh and he looks slightly pale as I plastered him with Factor 50 baby sun lotion earlier that day as there was a vague chance of him getting a raly of light on him...

Brighton Rocks

2007-03-21T19:01:00.000Z

We went to visit some friends a couple of weeks ago in Brighton, which I love! I am not really much of a shopper but I love shopping in Brighton and got a cool Beatles bag from Vin Mag. We also got Daniel a gorgeous bear and fair trade book ends from a gorgeous shop called Purple Heart. Having just read their home page, I love the shop even more... my prayers are with the owner's family.

We were meant to eat at Momma Cherri's while we were there but this got cancelled due to a power cut of all things which also took out the pier! It was a great time, so thanks to Kathy and Steve for their hospitality. And Kathy's flat has a sea view - it was better than a hotel!

The picture, btw, is me and Daniel hanging out on the pier...

Some Links

2007-02-26T21:39:00.000Z

Ok ok, I know things have gotten a little baby oriented round here, but I kinda figured that while I was on maternity leave, no one would mind the photos and baby stories. I am thinking about youth issues, but all of my thoughts and time are going into college assignments. Here's some youth and baby links that are interesting though. I am surprised more people haven't picked up on this Unicef report which found the UK to be bottom out of 21 countries re children's well being. A recent Guardian poll also looked at how well parents know their teenage children. A response from teenager and mother is also interesting...

On a different note, the ELC has its yearly 20% discount on all arts and craft material. Always good value and I have found that art stuff designed for toddlers is also great for young people. I love messy play and worship! And Fairtrade Fortnight shoudl not be forgotten.

Onto ethical baby matters... feel I should point out that Nature Babycare does a great line in environmentally friendly baby wipes, nappies, nappy bags and breast pads amongst other things! Although I still think reusables are best and I wash bits of cloths that I use at home instead of wipes! Finally, when is the right time to introduce solids - baby led weaning is an interesting idea. FIanlly, I am currently coveeting this Tripp Trapp high chair. Must repent, although it is wooden and long lasting... better for the environment? Couldn't resist some baby stuff creeping in there!

Daniel's Dedication #2

2007-02-26T21:34:00.000Z

Me and Dan chilling in the garden!

Daniel's Dedication

2007-02-26T21:29:00.000Z

We had Daniel's dedication a few weeks back. It was a great day... these are some photos.

Daniel's Development

2007-02-26T21:15:00.000Z

Daniel is such a sweety! He babbles loads now and is able to say b and l as well as vowel sounds. Well, the consonants come in the middle of a babble eg aaahhhbuhoooh. He also decided that the preach at the church that we were at was missing a little something and complimented it with a few minutes of his own special insights. He squeals with excitement as well and gives lots of smiles to most people who smile at him. He also really plays with toys now. LAst night, I was reading in the office and heard loads of banging and wondered what Neil was doing. I then found out it was Daniel banging his toy radio against the side of his cot! He can now roll from his back to side but hasn't quite made it from there onto his tummy! He loves eating all of his toys. I have recently been reading some stuff abotu baby-led weaning, the idea beign that you don't give any solids to your baby until they can eat them themselves, so thought I would see what he thought of a grape. But I chickened out - when I offered him a grape, he grabbed it instantly and put it straight into his mouth! I thought he was too yougn at 4 months for such things! Good coordination, though. He is lots of fun to be with and still loves songs, stories and poems. I love it all - well maybe not rubbish transport systems (see last post) and can't get enough of him! I even love it when he snuggles into me, only to discover that he was using me as a giant tissue and wiping bogies and/or regurgitated milk over me! Bless!

*Update* Don't try to give your baby grapes! It is a v bad thing cos they can choke! aniel didn't but I have read horror stories since then. Baby led weaning looked too scary so Daniel had his first taste of baby rice today... bless.

The Joys of Public Transport

2007-02-26T20:52:00.000Z

I try not to moan too much, but I had a Difficult Day thanks to Transport for London. We are giving up our car soon; I try to use public transport or walk as much as possible anyway, but I am aware that pretty soon that will be our main choice. Anyway, I was visiting a friend in Oxford so decided to take the train. Although London has great train service, it does mean that you need to go into the centre to get to most places. And using trains and tubes is a nightmare with a pram. There are sooo many steps and there were no lifts on the stations that I used. It is amazing how un-buggy friendly the whole experience was. I could, of course, have used the sling but this is really unpractical for a day out as Daniel needs to lay down to sleep at various points.

Once the steps (and lack of escalators at Liverpool Street and PAddington) had been dealt with, the trains weren't always much better. The worse one was coming back from London, which had ridiculously narrow aisles, making it impossible for me to get the pram into a carriage. I had to sit between the carriages opposite the loo as there was nowhere else to go. I did have a chat with the lovely conductor (who also did some great tannoy messages) and found there was space for a wheelchair at the front of the train, although the only way to get to this was to get off the train and walk down the platform at the next station. He made sure the train waited, which was great, although as it happened, unnecessary as we sat in the station for 15 mins!

The whole thing left me wondering how wheelchair users get on. At the end of the day, there is only a limited time that I will be using a pram, but it has made me see our towns, shops, coffee shops and churches in a whole new light. How accessible is your local area? Does your church include and welcome people? This needs to go beyond a welcome team as it is no good saying 'hi' if it is really hard for the person to get to the loo and /or into the church itself! In terms of travel, I suppose wheelchair users (or pram users) could phone ahead and check routes etc but surely things shouldn't be that difficult. If you use the Underground, check out how few stations have Disabled access... I know this is to do with many stations being heritage sites but it does make travelling a difficult experience. I remember the sociologist Tom Shakespeare discussing disability and telling a story about train travel; at one station he did not have a disability as the train was easy to get on and provision was made etc whereas at the other end, it was impossible for him to get on to the platform as there was no provision for less abled bodied users. At the London stations, getting to the train was v difficult, whereas at Oxford there were lifts and ramps. It really makes all the difference!

I am driving to Norfolk and it is such a shame that I know it will be much easier to travel with Daniel than it was today.

And shame on you, Coffee Republic in Oxford, with no baby change and no toilets downstairs!

The only positive experience was that it made me appreciate the kindness of strangers as so many people helped lift the pram up and down stairs unasked, which was lovely. And only one person moved when Daniel was being a little vocal when I was getting him to sleep on the journey home...

Postmodern Disciples: Stories Along the Way

2007-02-07T20:55:00.000Z

Good titiel, hey?... Finally decided on a title for the research project for my course and I am really excited about it. It is goign to be based on qualitative research, just chatting to youth workers about their experiences and stories of disipleship, especially focussing on 1-1 work in comparison to more traditional youth programmes. The idea is that although the interviews will be fairly subjective, the telling of stories as a way of gathering research fits with our society at present. And I hope a few interviews will be more telling than a larger number of questionnaires... which in their own way are subjective! Anyway, I am pleased to have things a little more ordered in my head and scared that the project and another assignment need to be finished in 11 and a half weeks!

We were at Cliff College last week as a family and it was a good time. Neil had his first experience of being the primary carer and had a lovely, although tiring time. I think Daniel is in the early stages of teething and has beautiful rosy cheeks and lots of dribble. He continues to be absolutley smashing and is very aware when your attention is not on him. For instance, he knows if you are talking to him but concentrating on something else becuase he cries until your focus returns to him. He continues to love my singing (poor boy) and adores stories. Maybe I will include this in my research project as I look at the power of stories!

What a cutie!

2007-01-13T22:11:00.000Z

How cute is he? It is Daniel's dedication tomorrow, where we promise to raise him within the Christian community. The church also promises to help raise him. Perhaps if you are reading this, you could also make that promise....

Do you promise to offer to Daniel and his family your love and care, and to join with his parents in sharing our Christian faith?
(Congregation answer) We do.

Should be a lovely day and this pic will be displayed in church. He is smiling loads but we haven't quite caught it on camera yet!...

Please Pray!

2007-01-07T18:51:00.000Z

Hey had to take our first trip to hospital with Daniel as he has bronchiolitis and is feeling quite soory for himself. Please pray that he is back to full strength soon and there is no lasting damage. And please pray for me - it as been a hard week! He is sicking up loads of phlegm now, which is good for him, but less good for my clothes! After a coughing fit, he often has a little whimper which is so cute but i wish he was better.

*Update* Daniel is much better but is still a bit sicky. After I had a shower this morning, I looked in the mirror and wondered what the dry white stuff was on my face. It was obviously baby sick.. nice! But I don't care as long as he is feeling better. There are loads more smiles now - he has really cheered up!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year...

2007-01-05T20:15:00.000Z

A belated merry Christmas and happy new year... posts will become more frequent soon as I need to write another essay and I will be looking to procrastinate while on the computer. Anyone get any good pressies? I bought Neil a great pair of vegan, sweat shop free trainers from Ethical Wares, but sadly they didn't fit... looks like we will be shopping for New Balance instead.

In Other News...

2006-12-09T21:49:00.000Z

I have recently given up my subscription to New INternationalist magazine, as although it wasgood I just wasn't reading it. The last issue in particular was fantastic, with loads of articles looking into fair trade and the impact of ethical living going mainstream. I love the fact that it dares to suggest that the most ethical way of shopping is to go without. I am trying to do this but am nowhere near perfect. I think buying stuff second hand can be a compromise, or, as with Daniel's stuff, being given things. If you feel you need to repent, why not check out Revd. Billy and the Church of Stop Shopping? And there surely must be a limit to ethical shopping... the arms manufacturer BAE Systems has recently announced that it is producing ethical weapons. I kid you not... apparently lead bullets can 'harm the environment and cause a risk to people.' I awlays thought bullets were fairly risky. Now, if you get shot, it could well be with an eco-bullet. Now things are just getting silly.

Cartoon Blog - Thank You!

2006-12-09T21:44:00.000Z

Thanks to Lewis for pointing out Dave Walker's cartoon blog. Dave is very generously providing a free calendar for 2007. I love his cartoons as they make me giggle and people don't giggle enough these days. I think I am going to get all creative and make the calendars into Christmas presents (creative being printing them out and sticking them onto card). Thanks Dave.

The Youngest Urban Saint

2006-12-06T19:32:00.000Z

I have to admit that I wasn't too keen on the new name for Crusaders when I first heard it, but it is growing on me, especially when Neil came home from the staff conference wearing the new hoody. I just think the logo really works. It is eye catching and clever. Also when I started thinking about it, most Christian organisations have got rather naff names, and Urban Saints is fairly good. I think they will grow in to the name. Anyway, I liked the hoody so much that I have 'borrowed' it from Neil (meaning that he never wears it and it has made its way into my chest of drawers). Here, it is modelled by me and the youngest Urb.

Tagged

2006-12-06T19:19:00.000Z

Well, Lewis tagged me a while ago. The idea is I have to answer all of these questions in just one word. V hard for me as I am fairly loquacious...

1. Yourself: LAMS
2. Your girlfriend/boyfriend: Neil
3. Your hair?: shiny
4. Your mother?: countrygirl
5. Your Father?: countryboy
6. Your Favorite Item: book
7. Your dream last night: Daniel
8. Your Favorite drink: Wine
9. Your Dream Car: None
10. The Room You Are In: Office
12. Your fear: Snakes
13. What you want to be in 10 years: loved
14. Who you hung out with last night?: Neil
15. What You're Not?: cool
16. Muffins: chocolate
17: One of Your Wish List Items: Books
18: Time: 1925
. The Last Thing You Did: type...
20. What You Are Wearing: bathrobe
21. Your Favorite Weather: sunshine
22. Your Favorite Book: Loads
23. The Last Thing You Ate: banana
24. Your Life: blessed
25. Your Mood: chilled
26. Your body: postnatal
27. Who are you thinking about right now? This
29. What are you doing at the moment?: This
30. Your summer: Pregnant
31. Best part of your life: Family

Well, there you go and to maintain the spirit of the thing, I tag my new blog friend Gim:D and Lev...

An Epiphany

2006-12-04T22:03:00.000Z

I have just finished the first year of my Diploma in Youth Mission and Ministry and have been eagerly awaiting the return of an assignment on the subject of mentoring that I completed in September. Little did I know when I opened the envelope that the result would change my life...

I hope you are suitably intrigued, even though the post so far reads like the trailer to a cheesy film. Anyway, I had got really involved in the assignment and it made me think loads about the significance of mentoring and how to implement a more formal mentoring scheme in my church. In many ways, it has been the most relevant and challenging assignment for the ministry that I am a part of. Anyway, I tore open the envelope, only to find that I had got the worst mark that I have ever got for an assessed piece of work! I had a quick read through the comments and turned to Neil and said, 'I feel fine.' No big deal, you may think, but for me, this was absolutely huge. Let me give you a brief tour of my education:

At infant school, I read the school out of books and was praised often for my abilities, especially in reading and writing stories. I remember a particularly imaginative one involving a talking beach ball...
Throughout Junior School I was around about the top of the class. And I loved being there.
At secondary school, I was one of the swots and much enjoyed the feeling of superiority that this gave me.
I did very well at GCSE and A Level, going on to study Biblical Studies at Sheffield, where I got a first
During my first year of this course, I think I got the highest mark I have ever got for an assessed piece of work.

I hope you are still reading, rather than kicking your computer in disgust at my arrogance and boastfulness, because actually this is rather a sad story. You see, from a very early age, I have got my self esteem all wrapped up in academic achievement. Being praised by others and getting high marks has validated me as a person. And I am ashamed to admit it, but I enjoyed feeling better than others when I did better than them. Of course, getting self esteem in this way is dangerous as a bad mark can easily knock my confidence for six. Also, I realise even from reading other blogs that there are so many people with much greater intelligence than me that express themselves with so much more eloquence... and, according to my twisted version of self esteem, they are therefore better than me. This may sound fairly standard stuff, but it really has had a hold over me and although God has been gently showing me time and time again the meaning of real esteem, worth and love, yesterday was like being released from chains as a lot of stuff that has slowly been moving from my head to heart moved to my heart with a big bump.

You see, I have been looking forward to all the praises that will flow when I get a Distinction, despite being pregnant and then with a small baby for the majority of the course. Already in my head I could hear people saying, 'Oh, you are amazing. I could never have achieved that.' But yesterday's mark now makes that a lot less likely and it felt like a huge weight had lifted. I mean, who cares about the mark? Although the truth is, a lot of people care.

Neil cares. His constant support and love is amazing and I know his love and respect for me is not tied up in my achievements. His encouragements over the last 8 years have been (and God working through him) have been the major reason for this epiphany
Daniel will care. I want him to know that his worth is not based on any sort of achievements. We love him. End of story and God loves him even more. And unless I model this to him, he will end up down my twisted path...
My church cares, not about the mark, but the huge impact the course is already having on the ministry as I am constantly challenged and impassioned
God cares. He has given me a reflective mind that I believe he wants me to use for the good of his kingdom. But his love for me is not based on this. He loves me he loves he loves me, so much so that his son died for me. His grace is sufficient.

So, although I love learning and reading and always will - which is a very good thing- my response to the mark on that assignment managed to order things properly in my head and heart and I felt such relief and also deeply loved. It is not often that a low college mark fills someone with such confidence, but it is typical of God and his topsy turvy grace and love.

Daniel.. a month old!

2006-11-26T22:04:00.000Z

This is Daniel in his carrier... how cute is he?

What on Earth?...

2006-11-18T16:32:00.000Z

I have no idea if this is genuine but this video of the Bank of AMerica reworking 'One' by U2 is absolutely shocking... how to totally rip off a beautiful song, all to celebrate the coming together of soem credit card divisions. So many corporations are so messed up. Thanks to Chris for the link.

I am trying to do my bit by supporting local businesses and shopping and banking ethically wherever I can. I would love feedback on this, but I am beginning to think that all Christians should bank with a bank with a decent ethical policy, like Smile... we only swapped relatively recently but I am so glad we finally got around to it. We have also just swapped over to Good Energy for our electricity. It is going to cost more but is well worth it, as all our electricity will be from renewable sources. And for those who are interested, our One Life reusable nappies are going very well. In fact, Daniel had a very grouchy afternoon a couple of weeks ago and we couldn't work out why. We had got behind with the washing and had to use disposables. As soon as we put him back in his reusables, he fell straight to sleep. We have renamed him EcoBoy. Even his baby wipes are called Eco Baby.

Am I going over the top, or is this every Christian's duty? Any thoughts would be great.

There is no feeling in the world like this

2006-11-01T16:43:00.000Z

There is no feeling in the world like this. Both my boys are asleep and I keep going from room to room looking at them both with such love. Me and Neil seriously considered adopting rather than havign a baby in this way, for lots of reasons, but partly because even as Christians we thought that the world is so often a horrid place - how could we bring a new life into it? But I now realise that this miracle of life, this creation in God's image, my baby, is bringing God's kingdom to earth. The love that he already generates in us and others is revealing God's love. And, yes, the world is hard and rough, but we believe in redemption through Jesus, and my prayer for Daniel Toby is that as he grows in wisdom and knowledge, not only will he love Jesus but his words and actions will bring God's redemption and chinks of God's kingdom will shine through him.

My beautiful boy

2006-10-31T13:32:00.000Z

Isn't he beautiful?

Daniel meeting his cousin

2006-10-31T13:30:00.000Z

This is the first meeting of Daniel and Seth. They are cousins.

Here's some more...

2006-10-31T13:26:00.000Z

Neil posted the last picture as I was still in hospital. It was a long labour and I didn't sleep for 2 nights! But we were kept in as Daniel had jaundice and they were monitoring him, so I only came home yesterday. Although it was a bit frustrating, it gave me some time to rest. He is so beautiful. I find everything he does absolutely incredible and wonderful. Praise God for the miracle of life. Please pray that the jaundice has all gone and won't be a problem....

and now for some more photos!

Daniel!!!

2006-10-29T23:01:00.000Z

This is to announce the birth of our son Daniel Toby Roper. More to follow...

My Bump Rocks...

2006-10-19T21:25:00.000+01:00

The bump in all its glory from a couple of weeks back...

all we need now is the baby.

Miniature Earth

2006-10-12T09:53:00.000+01:00

I haven't come across this site before, so thanks to Ben for pointing out. It makes it hit home again how rich we are in so many ways.

Let the Games Begin...

2006-10-11T14:12:00.000+01:00

Well, as Neil predicted, my plans to finish things off ended up taking quite a bit longer than I planned, but the intray is clear, all filing is done and I am ready to officially begin maternity leave! Now, all we need is the baby. On the other hand, I am hoping to crack on a bit with some college work before the arrival of Baby R and maybe even do some posting on matters unrelated to small children.

What a relief, though. 6 months of peace and quiet. Whatever.

Bundle of Joy

2006-10-04T10:57:00.000+01:00

Following on from the last post, although I am not assuming that people were planning to buy the baby or us presents, can I please make a suggestion just in case anyone who is reading this was thinking of it??

One of the gifts in World Vision's Great Gifts catalogue is a mother and baby hygiene kit for new mums and babies and Sierra Leone... an absolute bargain at £9... theer is more info here

Hospitals and Inequality

2006-10-04T10:11:00.000+01:00

My local hospital Chase Farm doesn't have the greatest reputation and locally lots of people moan about it. It is where I have been going for all of my antenatal classes and where the baby will be born. However, I refuse to moan about the hospital - not only has the care I have received been brilliant but I read newspaper articles like this that make me realise once again how amazingly blessed we all are in this country. How can I begin to complain when women in Niger face a 1 in 7 chance of dying in childbirth?

Decisions

2006-09-27T20:53:00.000+01:00

I heard a snippet of the speech that Tony Blair made at the Labour Conference yesterday, and thought a part of it was worth a mention. He said something along the lines of:

'The British public will forgive a bad decision. What they won't forgive is making no decision.'

I started thinking about this point of view in other contexts and whether I believed it to be true. I know that there are times when i have backed away from making a decision and it has blown up in my face, when really the best way forward would have been to have taken courage and gone for something, facing the consequences either way. I suppose it largely depends on the nature and scale of the decision. As I was saying to Neil, I do wonder whether this statement is always true. For example, if Blair was referring to the war in Iraq, then I wonder whether people would agree that a bad decision was better than no decision.

In my own context, I think it comes down to being sure of whether God is leading me and leading the church. It is only my confidence in him that leads me into scary waters when I am really a bit of a chicken. However, trying to follow God and his heart means that I can follow through even unpopular decisions... at least, that is the theory....

De-Cluttering

2006-09-26T21:07:00.000+01:00

Preparing for parenthood is an odd time and it is also great to confirm that some of those cliches really are true, as the nesting instinct has kicked in. Those who know me will realise that I am not the tidiest person but mess has really started to get to me and I have found myself desperate to sort out drawers, cupboards and messy surfaces. This is all made more difficult by the fact that we are currently decorating - the knock on effect of the lovely new bathroom is that the hallway needs painting, although we did finish painting the baby's room today!

We have also spent a lot of time de-cluttering and the whole process has made me realise how much junk and stuff we accumulate. We have got rid of tonnes of CDs, books and videos and it feels really good to have purged ourselves slightly! Some of the worst stuff that I hoard is not material things but old school books etc. I realised things had gone too far when I found my actual GCSE results from 10 years ago in the original brown envelope, along with loads of exercise books dating back to primary school. I finally got rid of loads of A-level notes. I just find it so hard to let go of something that I spent so much work on! But hey ho - a new chapter of my life begins, with lots of baby clutter to take up space.

On that note, we are trying to keep things to the bare minimum. It is all to easy to get sucked in to thinking that the way to give the baby the best start is to buy the top of the range equipment, whereas what the baby really needs is to be safe, warm, dry and have lots and lots of hugs. Theer are times I really love being part of a church community and we have been freely given or lent so much second hand stuff by friends and family. It is beautiful to know that people are so good at sharing. Not only that, but it is better for the environment to re-use rather than buy new. On that note, I am dead pleased cos I have just ordered a load of reusable nappies for the baby, courtesy of One Life. Iam determined to be as green as possible, including our biggest adventure yet, giving up the car when Neil stops work next year.... will keep you posted on that one.

More posts will follow, and not all focused on the baby, although with 4 weeks until due date, it is hard to think of other things!

Bathroom MAdness

2006-09-01T18:36:00.000+01:00

Still intending to finish posting about the Blue Lagoon and the Big Chill... and Greenblet... and some thoughts on mentoring! However, at the mo we are living at Neil's parents and I have limited Internet access so the blog remains neglected... sob! Still working on a college assignment connected with mentoring, although I am really excited about the impact that it may have on youthwork at EBC and reflecting on where God is leading us.

I am also trusting God that the baby will not make an early appearance as our house is a building site - literally - and the nursery remains unfit for a baby...

All good fun. I am sure once I am on maternity leave, blogging will be much more regular, new born babies just sleep all the time don't they? As if...

Back from hols

2006-08-10T20:11:00.000+01:00

I am trying to get back into work after 2 weeks off and am currently feeling organised as I have not only done a comprehensive to do list, but mapped out how I will fit it all in in the next four weeks! Impressive... now I just have to give the office the annual tidy and get things moving on the nursery front.

We had a great time away both in Malta and at the Big Chill. I think one of the best elements of the holiday was how well me and Neil got on. It was just great fun to be with him, he really is my most favourite person to be around! We are both aware that the impending due date of Baby R (under 11 weeks!!) is goign to signal a change that we can never fully prepare for, but the pregnancy has been a great time of enjoying being with one another and imagining the future.

Malta was a good place, although our resort ws nothing special and the hotel wasn't great. As I said, though, the time spent together made it an amazing time away. One of the highlights was taking a bus to the capital Valetta. We got there on a Maltese yellow bus; this is an adventure in itself as they can be quite rickety but are dirt cheap, 23 cents one way, which is around 40p for a trek across the island. The place was full of character and, thanks to a tip off from the guide book, we had lunch at an unimpressive looking hotel called the Bristish Hotel. However, the food was good and the views overlooking the Grand Harbour were amazing. There is no point linking to the website as it is naff and doesn't do any justice to the place.

However, my favourite place by far was the Blue Lagoon... sorry will have to finish this another time as the stupid computer just lost half the post... tbc

Hols

2006-07-20T15:42:00.000+01:00

Well, hoorah! It is the summer holidays! 2 local schools have been given days off this week as it is 'too hot' for the students... hhhmmm, I wonder how many of the teachers popped down to Brighton on the train!

I am enjoying the hot weather, even with my bump, which is developing nicely by the way. There have been lots of fun things happening recently, both at work and play. A few weeks back, the youth club went on a summer camp to Gilwell Park. It was generally a great weekend, although was really really hard to get some of the young people to do their chores. I know it sounds like a little thing but I find it quite disheartening when they make such simple things such hard work and when they are disrespectful. To their credit, the second half of the weekend was loads better and great fun as well. A particular highlight was the camp fire - it was great to see different groups mixing, chatting and having fun. It had been a struggle to get people to come along and sign up, though. It would be interesting to hear if other youth leaders struggle with this. Our church is quite middle class and I wonder whether it is partly to do with the amount of opportunities available to them - maybe once, the weekend away would have been a big deal, whereas now it is just another activity to plan in???

I had alovely day in London a couple of weeks back, celebrating Neil's mum's birthday. We went to Fresh and Wild in Soho for lunch, Mildreds for dinner and visited the National Portrait Gallery. I have been once before to see the World's Most Photographed Exhibition, but had never seen much of the main gallery. I really enjoyed it, especially as it gave a great overview fo British history.

After a lovely break in May half term here, with Neil's family, which I forgot to write about but was wonderful, we are off on hols again, this time to Malta. We are staying here and it should be lovely, sunny and relaxing. I was really excited about the prospect of swimming with dolphins while we are there, but I can't because I am pregnant. We will hopefully come over all Godfather and visit Sicily though. When we get back, we are then off to the Big Chill, which looks to be awesome and is prob going to be the last music festival we get to in a while. I am really looking forward to it, aside from the toilets and showers... I am hoping that my bump gets meto the front of toilet queues and they are not too unpleasant! Ooh, I have just seen that Arrested Development are playing - cool!

To round off the summer, I am trying to organise taking the youth group to Greenbelt for the day, which has an added bonus as I really wanted to go but it looked unlikely this summer. So, lots going on, and in the middle of all that, I need to write an assignment, plan a research project and sort out the nursery...

Reflections from a Monday Morning

2006-06-19T21:13:00.000+01:00

I realise that my blog entries have been somewhat sporadic lately and I have been thinking about whether to carry on, but I will persevere as I do love it. I continue to blame it on a mixture of hot weather and a sauna office, being pregnant (yay!) and doing a college course as well as a full time job... and of couse spending time with my lovely husband. Anyway, to compensate for the rather silly previous post, I thought I would record some notes that I made when I was at N:flame, a meeting for youth leaders, a few weeks ago. I was writing in response to a number of things, namely the news that a teenager had stabbed another boy to death outside a local school. They are a little disjointed but thought I would leave them as they were:

We are so scared of being vulnerable. We are scared of being open, showing our faults and weakness. And we hide behind so many things, thinking about Stu in Phone Booth, hiding behind his expensive suits and fake watch. And I pray for young people that hide behind so many things; that poor boy who hid behind his blade, those who hide behind guns, attitude, intellect, sassiness, rudeness, niceness. And I ask that we'll model vulnerability, honesty, openness. Lord we look to you, our example, our model, our Lord, for you showed so much vulnerability; your hands were open before us and through you we have rigteousness...

It kind of tailed off towards the end cos people wanted to pray for me. And I would like to add something now I think. I don't think we make ourselves vulnerable just by displaying our weaknesses, but maybe it is also by displaying our strengths. So, here is a little vulnerability... I am absolutely loving my course at Cliff College. Previously, I think I always used my academic ability as a self esteem boost - I felt good when I got high marks, so although I think I have always loved study and research, it was always tied up me with me getting ego boosts in the wrong way, with the swings between arrogance and low confidence that come with that. But I think that God is changing me, and I feel different about study than I did when I left full time education 5 years ago. I have found that although I am on fire when I learn, I also have such a passion for passing on stuff and helping others learn. And I am trying to tentatively explore wher God is leading me with this.

And it is making me feel a little scared as I am so keen to share the stuff I am doing, but really keen to not be seen as arrogant. And I want to discuss some of the stuff I have been working on with others but really don't want to bore people. And, if I am honest, it is quite scary to open myself up and say that I think I have done quite well at something and ask for others opinions on what I have written... so, I'd like to post one of my essays on the blog but am not sure how to do that. Can someone please help? How do I do that thing when people can click on continue and a hyper link takes them to a separate page of the blog??

If I do manage to actually post the thing, please don't feel you have to read it, but if you do, it would be cool to get into a discussion. But please be gentle, I am feeling vulnerable.